Relationship Tips for Working Couples

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All couples go through a myriad of peaks and valleys over the course of their love & relationships. It is absolutely normal for a couple to be experiencing an ultimate high one minute, only to find themselves feeling like they are digging their way out of a huge rut.

You must understand that you have not fallen into the great abyss; you are simply going through a rough patch and another highlight in your marriage relationship is just around the corner. By following this relationship advice, you will learn to improve your relationship and experience a happy married life.

Cut Off the Cell Phones

Many love relationship experts believe that the cell phone has created more issues for working couples than any other electronics device invented thus far. More and more people are becoming addicted to their cell phones because of social networking, games and even afterhours business calls.

This has created a big problem for working couples as they are losing their ability to spend some quality time together. Love relationship counselors suggest that couples should turn off their handheld devices once they get home from work.

Without the interruptions of texts, calls and emails, the couple's marriage relationship will not only improve but blossom. It is best for working couples to leave work at work and not bring work home with you.

Divide the Duties

Other than finances, the major problem that working couples face is getting the household chores completed. Oftentimes, many of the chores are left up to a single person who can create resentment as well as exhaustion. It is best to talk about the chores that need to be done daily, weekly and monthly.

Make a list of all of the things that need to be handled so that the house is clean and neat and you have meals to eat and clean clothes to wear. These chores should be divided equally so that one person doesn't have to try to do it all. Be sure to include chores that your kids are old enough to handle on the list.

One of the biggest complaints that working couples have is that they simply do not have the time to spend alone together. Of course, once the kids go to bed you have a few minutes to be alone however; most people are exhausted after working all day, dealing with homework and afterschool activities and doing everyday household chores.

Time for Two

Marriage advice counselors believe that it is essential for working couples to take a few hours each month to do something away from the kids. Although in today's economy money is tight, you can find some inexpensive ways to spend quality time together. This is simply relationship maintenance, according to some well-known relationship advice gurus.

You can pack a picnic lunch and go to your local park and that will cost you no more than it would if you were to eat lunch at home. Many couples enjoy walking on the beach, going for a bike ride or just strolling through the neighborhood holding hands and talking.

The place you go doesn't really matter. The only thing that matters is that you give each other your undivided attention. This will make your marriage relationship stronger, improve your relationship communication and help you stay happy.

Noah Brown is a freelance writer who writes extensively about marriage relationships and the inspirational videos and motivational quotes which provide useful relationship advice and relationship tips on love and relationships.

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Wives Encouraged to Leave, Choose to Stay!

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There are a growing number of wives whom God has instructed to remain in their marriages. And God's request comes in the midst of what all might agree as untenable challenges.

To many such a decision seems foolish. Requesting a wife to remain in marriage with a husband that demonstrates little to no regard for God, engages in pornography, the occult or has committed adultery seems like an unfair and unloving request-especially coming from God. Quickly, many reason that "God wants us to be happy." In the interest of happiness, well-meaning Christians encourage some of these wives to divorce. Admittedly, there are no easy answers. Nor is there one answer that fits all. But, let me also say that God sends such requests to those that have ears to hear it and understandably, not all have the maturity to receive such instruction.

Hosea did. Gomer was Hosea's wife. Her name means filled with sexual iniquity. She was a prostitute before marrying Hosea. Gomer committed adultery, but God instructed Hosea not to divorce his wife. Through Hosea's obedience, God redeemed her. Read their full story in the Book of Hosea.

God made a similar request of Jesus. Consider Philippians 2:6-8.

"Though he was God,he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privilege she took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form,he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal's death on a cross."

Jesus asked God, at least three times, whether or not there was some other way to redeem us. When God offered no other alternative, Jesus said,

"... nevertheless, not as I will, but as You (God) will." (Matthew 26:39)

The wives whom God has made the request to stay in their marriages are not your average women. They are strong, although for years their strength has been misappropriated. These women are not emotionally incapacitated or co-dependent as some may assume. They are mentally, emotionally and financially sufficient. They are fierce competitors. This simply may prove to be the fight of their lives! Like Jesus, they too have a will and acknowledge it. However, they have chosen God's will over their own.

The women I am writing about are not na?ve. They know let down and betrayal. They know financial loss and put-downs. They know humiliation and embarrassment, loneliness and desires unfulfilled. Still, they are answering God's request to keep their marriage vow.

It's safe to say that these women know pain. It's just that they are no longer afraid of it. They also know fear, but they are no longer governed by it! Instead, they are discovering the kind of love that drives out fear. I John 4:18 reads,

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."

These women are discovering the kind of love that was in Christ. It is an unconditional love that works like this,

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

"... that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation." (II Corinthians 5:19)

It is the kind of love that was in Christ when God reconciled the world to Himself. It's the same love that is now working in these wives to reconcile their husbands to God! God has accomplished His work through faithful men and women for centuries. Today is no different.

God has and continues to pour this kind of love into the wives of whom He has made the request to remain in marriage. He is divinely aiding these women to love their husbands despite the cost to themselves. And make no mistake, it is a cost, but one that God will richly reward. You see, at the end of the day these wives recognize this is a spiritual competition and they have been graced to compete with patience, looking to Jesus who is the author and finisher of their faith.

My hope is that each wife that receives such a request from God will find love, encouragement and support among the solidarity of wives that are also answering God's call. Kim Moore & Friends is committed to helping such women through prayer and discipleship.

To learn more about keeping the vow, visit us at: http://www.kimmooreandfriends.com

Perhaps you are in a relationship and experiencing pain. You love, but the decisions you must make are hard. Want to talk? Take the first step here: http://www.kimmooreandfriends.com/#!procedure-c-and-c

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Planned Intimacy

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Failing to plan for intimacy too often means it is left till the end of a busy day where it can become, for some, just one more thing they have to do so they can get to sleep. Planned intimacy means that you and your partner are going to schedule in time for intimacy in your lives. This is not to be confused with scheduling sex. It does however create the opportunity and helps create the atmosphere that may greatly increase your chances of making love.

Clients will comment that planned intimacy does not sound romantic or spontaneous. I am not sure where the idea that intimacy and sex must be spontaneous comes from, perhaps from television, movies or romantic novels. But the reality is that without some forethought the frequency of intimacy and as a result sex are likely to decline as your relationship matures. Continuing to court and to plan for intimate times together after marriage just means that you continue feeding the fire of your passion rather than letting it fade and turn cold.

In order for planning for intimacy to work, sex cannot be the goal or even on the agenda. The goal of planned intimacy is to connect as a couple-to see and look at each other, to listen to each other, to cuddle and be close, and to spend time together. You can reminisce, talk about hopes and dreams, go for a walk, hold hands, or play a fun game. What you do does not matter as much as the attitude with which you do it. A minimum of once a week for a least an hour and daily time together for at least 15 minutes are good targets to aim for when scheduling your planned intimacy.

There are only two rules for planned intimacy:
1. Just the two of you.
2. Most important, turn off the distractions and tune into one another.

At times your planned intimacy time may result in love-making. This is much more likely to happen if neither of you is pushing for it to happen. If you feel a great deal of resistance to the idea of planned intimacy, it is likely that the two of you have already grown apart and you are possibly withholding affection and avoiding situations that could lead to sex. Knowing that planned intimacy does not obligate you to have sex, may make it possible for you to experiment with planned intimacy to discover if it will help the two of you rebuild your connection.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Relationship Blog RelationshipSpa

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

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Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

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EFT is usually a short term (8-20 sessions), structured approach to couples therapy formulated by Drs. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg. A substantial body of research outlining the effectiveness of EFT now exists. Research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements.

The focus of Emotionally Focused Therapy is the quality of the emotional connection between two partners. The quality of connection is always good in the beginning of any relationship. In the first stage, what I call "Stage 1 - You Are the Answer," we start out intensely connected to and responsive to our partners. Biology, love hormones, idealization, sameness focus, and suppression of conflict are the five qualities that make a new relationship feel like BLISS.

But the problem for couples will develop by Stage 2 - "You Are the Problem, " because of several factors. The love hormones from Stage 1 produce a less potent magic. Our level of attentiveness tends to drop off. And, our desire to reveal our uniqueness (rather than just our sameness) produces differences between two partners... and conflict. The quality of the connection between partners can go from feeling safe to feeling pretty insecure.

Susan Johnson, one of the brilliant minds who developed Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples, says that "losing the connection with a loved one, jeopardizes our sense of security and we experience a primal feeling of panic. It sets off an alarm in the brain's amygdala, our fear center. In a state of distress, we are programmed to either fight or flee." This relationship theory has been confirmed by the latest neuroscience research.

Understanding the problem in terms of the "science of love" is only the start to navigating the bumpy terrain of couples conflict. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy can provide couples with a map to get from problems to solutions. Emotionally Focused Therapy will give couples a nifty set of emotional tools to more skillfully manage their challenges.

In moments of disconnection, what two partners do next, in those moments of distess, will have a huge impact on the shape of our relationship. If two partners can learn to turn around and reconnect, the relationship can be stronger because both partners will begin to trust that the "we, " the connection, can be a secure base each partner needs in order to be their best.

If couples do not learn how to turn to each other and reconnect, they will start to engage in, what I call "dumb fights" that follow a clear, and circular pattern. Susan Johnson called these arguments "demon dialogues." John Gottman, the acclaimed marriage research expert, call these fights "sliding door moments."

Sliding door moments are the seemingly inconsequential everyday moments filled with the words we haphazardly throw back and forth at each other, that make or break the most important relationships in our lives, because these are the moments we say to our selves, "I trust" or "I don't trust him/her." Once these sliding moments occur and you determine that your partner cannot be trusted, the relationship will start to unravel until these attachment injuries can be repaired.

The focus of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is understanding and navigating these moments differently. Conflict is danger but it is also an opportunity to understand your partner more deeply, and thus make the relationship safer.

Historically, other therapies have viewed these demon dialogues as power struggles. They've attempted to resolve couples' fights by teaching them problem-solving skills. Susan Johnson says," this is a little like offering Kleenex as the cure for viral pneumonia." Teaching problem solving skills ignores the attachment issues that underlie the circular pattern of "dumb fights." Rather than conflict or control, the real issue, from an EFT perspective, is emotional distance. And what's frustrating to people is not knowing how to bridge the emotional distance.

Susan Johnson says that when we fight with our partners, "we tend to follow the ball as it goes over the net, paying attention to the last barb lobbed at us-and not whether we even want to be in the game at all."

Emotionally Focused Therapy helps you stop reacting, to step back and recognize the "game." With that expanded awareness, Emotionally focused Therapy teaches couples how to reveal and respond to these moments differently. Emotionally Focused Therapy helps a couple regulate their conflict by tapping into softer, more primary feelings rather than using anger to communicate. Anger pushes a partner further away, softer feelings pull a partner closer for understanding.

Emotionally Focused Therapy helps couples learn to repair broken connections and attachment injuries. In the beginning, couples may not feel that they have a choice if your panic button has been pushed and your emotions are boiling over. But just being aware that it has been pushed can help calm you down. You can think to yourself, "What is happening here? I'm yelling. But inside, I'm feeling really small." Then you can tell your partner, "I got really scared there-I'm feeling hurt." Couples have more conscious choices about whether to move toward or away from connection. To attack or reveal longing and/or fears. To run or stay emotionally present.

Once couples can learn to make conscious choices toward connection, the relationship actually evolves to a whole new level of intimacy. I call this stage, Stage 3 - We Are the Problem. The significant shift for a couple at this stage is understanding that relationship distress at is not a partner problem but a connection problem. Sharing responsibility for the connection helps couples leave behind the old, me verses you, blame game.

Once couples can learn to maintain connection through conflict and put connection first in their lives, the relationship evolves to Stage 4 - We are the answer. This is the stage of relationship when we experience the five good things that come from a secure connection - increased energy, increased empowerment to act, increased self awareness and awareness of other, increased self worth, and increased appetite for more connection.

Rhonda Audia, LCSW, is an expert on relationships, emotional healing and recovery from divorce. She is the director of Tampa Family Conflict Center in Tampa, Florida. Tampa Family Conflict Center offers marriage and couples counseling, divorce therapy, and relationship education.

To learn more about Rhonda Audia and the Tampa Family Conflict Center, visit her website at: http://www.tampafamilyconflict.com/

How to Create Your Own Stunning Wedding Flower Bouquets and Arrangements – Without Paying Expensive Florist Fees!

Planning a Budget Wedding:So stoked you’re here! Please keep reading – I want to share with you a super-sneaky way to slash THOUSANDS off your wedding budget:!

Finally, a fool-proof system designed to make MCing a wedding an entirely hassle-free affair - and save you money at the same time !!

This New Resource Is Not Like Any Other Resource You Have Ever Seen On The Topic Of Wedding Etiquette!

Here's How You Can Quickly And Easily Get Your Hands On Warm, Loving, Proven Wedding Vows In Just 3 1/2 Minutes!

See How Easily You Can Throw The Wedding Of Your Dreams On A Shoe-String Budget!