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Just as a wife needs to read what it feels like to be disrespectful to her husband, a man needs to read what it feels like to be unloving to his wife. So if you are a wife reading this, please don't email this article to your husband and demand he reads it. If you are a husband reading this, please take it as it was written, tongue-in-cheek. Sometimes you can see things more clearly by identifying what it looks to be unloving rather than loving.
These can be done nearly anywhere as your wife is sure to take offense at each and every one. Just be careful not to do all of them at the same time or you might overload her with feelings of resentment. Rather, spread them out over a period of time to make sure she knows just how much you don't love her.
Her home - Whenever possible, point out all of the things that are wrong in the house and how it never looks like she contributes to the care of it. This is especially effective when she has gone out of her way to make the house look nice and you ignore it with your silence instead of recognizing it. If she has done something that you don't like such as rearranging the furniture or painting a wall, take the time to rearrange it back or complain that the color is your least favorite. The more she prides herself on how her house looks, the more effective this tactic will be.Her relationships - Since most women gain value from their relationships, criticize her friends regularly and demand she be friends only with the people you like. Throw in a couple of sarcastic remarks about her friends in front of her friends and watch the tension mount. If she seems to side with the friends, don't be compassionate instead demand her undying loyalty to you in front of her friends.
Her religion - Don't forget about the power in reminding your wife that she needs to submit to you because God says so. By mixing a dose of religious guilt along with your statements, most women become confused and frustrated because love and guilt don't mix well. That is your opportunity to strike the next blow just to make sure she knows who is boss.
Her family - Many wives are attached to their mothers and have a bond that is difficult to break so do your best to target her mother at every opportunity with cutting remarks. When you are done with her mother, attack her father especially if she was a "daddy's girl". Even if he is the nicest person, you can still find fault. Make sure there is a dose of truth mixed with plenty of exaggeration to alienate any allies she might have now or in the future.
Her work - This is one of the best categories as any way you go you can still win. For instance, if she makes less money than you, tell her that she is not pulling her own financial weight. This is best done to stay-at-home moms who don't earn any income, make sure you remind her at every turn just how much she has to depend on you for financial support. If she makes more money than you and you work, be as unsupportive of her job as possible so she knows just how frustrated you are that she is earning more. If she makes more money than you and you don't work, drop the mommy guilt card as often as possible by insisting that she spend more time at home and how much the kids miss her every day.
Her appearance - Most women take some pride in their appearance so if she gets some new make-up complain about the cost or if she buys a new dress tell her that it doesn't fit. This is a tactic that yields results quickly as the more subtle the remark, the more she internalizes your comments and plays them over and over in her head. She never really escapes obsessing over her appearance even when she doesn't look good, she'll just say that she doesn't care or doesn't have time. So one of the best ways to discourage her is to tell her that those few pounds she lost really don't make a difference in how she looks and she still shouldn't wear that dress. Take the opportunity when she gets a hair cut not to notice the difference, better yet ask her what the hairdresser did for all of that money.
Her hobbies - Just walk into any craft store and you will find a host of hobbies that most women love to do. If your wife is one of these women, tell her she is wasting her money on such enjoyment and her money would be better spent on something that you or the kids need. Adding the mommy guilt touch is especially effective when your wife is spending her time doing something she enjoys. After all, she had the children, she needs to raise them.
Her sexuality - The internet has wonderful pictures of perfect female bodies doing crazy sexual things that are great for comparing your wife and her performance. If you are bold enough, leave a screen up or show her one of the sights so that she can get a good idea of just what you want and need because it is all about you. If she has a period of disinterest in sex, don't justify her behavior by saying it's hormonal, instead demand that she perform for you sexually.
Her dreams - Every now and then remind her of a dream that she never fulfilled or one that she tried and failed. This is very powerful if you had to rescue her from whatever the situation was and by reminding her of that you are telling her just how dependent she is on you. There should be no promotion of independence as that is showing love.
Her moods - It is no secret that some women get moody a couple of days during the month so if your wife is in this category show no mercy. Remind her that no matter how she feels, she still needs to take care of you and all your needs. Never mind that you have been grumpy on occasion, her moodiness is no excuse not to do everything you expect her to do. You can also use her moods against her by saying that she has no need to cry and that crying is for babies.
Her decisions - No doubt she has made a few bad decisions in the time you have known her so keep a tally of all of her mistakes. You may need to write them down so you don't forget the next time you have an argument. Bring up all of her poor choices and then treat her like a child even talking or yelling at her as you would a child. If she protests, remind her that she acts like more like a child then an adult.
Her morality - Last by not least, if your wife has done anything immoral such as drunkenness, adultery, slept with someone before you, pornography, or drug use just to name a few, remind her of her previous behavior and suggest that she return to it whenever things get too tough. Don't let your wife get away with the idea that people can change, remind her that she will never change and she will always be the ___ you once knew.
By mastering all of the above suggestions, your marriage will be well on its way to join half of all marriages that end in divorce. So now that you know what your wife needs to feel unloved, go and conquer.
Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.
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