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Marriage can be a roller coaster, and even the most solid unions will have times of closeness and difficulty. Sometimes it is important to take a closer look at signs of a bigger problem. If you see anything familiar in the following list, you may benefit from marriage counseling.
Conversation Often Leads To Conflict
Conflict itself isn't a problem in a marriage. When handled with concern and respect, it can actually relieve tension. Disagreement or emotional upset can be an opportunity to solve a problem or create new understanding. But when the slightest difference in opinion seems to trigger daily arguments, your marriage could be suffering. Not only could you become adversaries, you could also be missing situations that truly need a solution or calm discussion.
It's not necessary to bring every possible conflict out to the open. When you can focus on the most important issues and learn to let go of the smaller problems, you can bring a lot of positive change to your relationship. But if your arguments constantly get out of control, they can destroy your marriage.
You Rarely Have Conversation At All
Marriage isn't always fireworks and long discussions. But when you find that you hardly make conversation at all with your spouse, the silence can mean your connection is weakening. When disagreements come up, you tend to hold your tongue. When you're emotionally upset, you turn away from each other instead of leaning on each other.
It may seem like a lack of conflict wouldn't be a bad thing. However, it does mean that you aren't facing your challenges together. It shows a lack of trust in each other. Sharing something vulnerable or deep seems like too big of a risk. Perhaps you fear that you'll start fighting and never stop. Or, you might be afraid to find out neither one of you care much anymore. Either way, the silence is a sign that something needs to be done to strengthen your connection before it weakens any further.
You Live Very Separate Lives And You Prefer It This Way
You work the day shift, your partner works the night shift. You each have meetings, activities, and activities to occupy your time. You might run into each other here and there, but most of the time you don't count on it. The problem with this? You don't seem to mind seeing your spouse except for random moments. At this point, your marriage may operate more like a casual roommate arrangement than a loving marriage.
Sometimes people get busy or have jobs that require a lot of time away from home. If you miss your spouse terribly and make the most of opportunities to be together, that's one thing. When it's a matter of routine and you don't make much effort to change it, that could be a bad sign. What would happen if you had more time around each other? Could you see yourself being happier, more distressed, or would you avoid each other anyway? Marriage counseling can help you find out before it's too late to save your relationship.
Dr. Drema Dial is creator of the groundbreaking workshop: Amazing Life, Amazing Love where she teaches her exact formula for creating a life you love to live.
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