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What Men Find Romantic
Men generally get a bad rap when it comes to romance. And what better time to set the record straight than Romance Awareness Month. That's right, August is Romance Awareness Month, and it's the perfect time to bring a little romance back into your relationship.
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I've worked with hundreds of clients to improve their relationships and bring romance back. And I generally hear many of the same complaints from women: "He doesn't pay attention to me anymore", "The passion is gone in our relationship", and "He's not as romantic as he used to be." If any of these complaints sound familiar, you're about to be pleasantly surprised these complaints can be turned around...
In preparation for Romance Awareness Month, I surveyed men and women to learn their views on romance. And what the men shared will probably shock you!
Here's the biggie: two-thirds of men rated romance as being "Pretty Darn Important" to them. If that surprises you, you're in good company; more than half the women surveyed rated romance as being "Not That Important" to men. So how is it that men consider romance so important, but women think of men as being unromantic?
First, men and women define romance differently. For men, romance often equates to physical touch. Yes, this can mean sex, but that's not the only physical touch that men crave. A hug, a steamy good-bye kiss, a snuggle while you're watching American Idol, these are all essential elements of romance for men. Women tend to miss these because women don't usually equate physical touch and romance the way men do.
Second, men are far more sensitive to rejection by their partners than women recognize. Men are so reliant on the approval of their partners that even the slightest hint of disapproval or rejection can wreak havoc on a man's psyche. Men live to make their wives happy, and when they don't feel they are able to do that, they tend to shut down. They withdraw out of hurt. And this withdrawal is what women tend to perceive as a lack of caring and lack of attention.
The good news is that women have tremendous power to change their relationships. Because men look to their women for emotional comfort, a few simple gestures by a woman can make a powerful change in the relationship. So in honor of Romance Awareness Month, here's how to feed your man's romantic side:
Send him a flirtatious or steamy text message. This is especially important if most of your communication is of the "please stop and get milk on the way home" variety. Just a quick sentence or two can bring a smile to his face and make him look forward to getting home to see you.Capture the power of touch. Touch is a powerful non-verbal communication. To men, this is a form of connection, closeness, and intimacy. Even a simple touch on the arm when you're talking to him can be significant. Of course, feel free to let your imagination run wild, your man is likely to appreciate all the physical contact you give him.
Let him be your hero. Share with your husband how much you appreciate him, and he'll be in heaven. Even if there's tension in your relationship, find something you appreciate about him: how hard he works, his parenting skills, his passionate side, or his ability to fix that weird clunking noise your car was making.
Imagine what your relationship would be like if you took a few minutes each day to find a way to feed your partner's romantic side? He'll appreciate the effort you're making and start looking for ways to reciprocate. And THAT'S what Romance Awareness Month is all about.
If you and your spouse are constantly fighting with each other, or have simply grown apart, don't give up on the relationship. The Gottman Method for Couples Therapy can transform troubled marriages into strong marriages. If you live in Boca Raton, or in the South Florida area, you should visit http://www.bocamarriagecounseling.com/ to learn more about the services available to you.
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